It started near the primary school
I said to the Mrs, "That's bloody odd."
I have bought an iceberg
The policewoman who told me you had died was very pretty
One of my children asked me who I was
In a past life I was a boring fucker
When making love to a chicken you have to watch out for eggs
My chess board has all black squares, yours white
A Page Four Girl
This having to pay to die, what if you're broke?
I buy ladies' earrings and throw odd ones in corners, knickers under the bed
King in the Land of the Last Biscuit
I SHOT THE FUCKING DOVE OF PEACE
Eleven bar blues
Jeffrey Archer's Hooker? I ad 'er…
Three soft-boiled eggs? The last one's always hard.
Wife-Printed Toilet-Paper
Moi, the Unthinking Man's crumpet
Jerry Mander, Builder
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